In my work, I spend a lot of time with people during moments when they’re struggling with something. A conversation they don’t know how to start. A decision they’re afraid to make. A feeling they’ve ignored or pushed aside.

Over time, I’ve come to see how much of our adult lives are shaped by these small moments. The ones where we hesitate, adjust, or move away from what we actually think, feel, or need, often without fully realizing we’re doing it.

Recently, I’ve been exploring where that begins.

We often talk about how disorienting and overwhelming adolescence can feel, however, research shows that identity formation, self-concept, and body awareness begin to develop in more complex ways in late childhood, earlier than expected. 

While this affects all children, girls are especially impacted. 

Research shows that girls are more likely to experience declines in self-esteem. A well-known survey found that girls’ confidence decreases by 30% between ages 8 and 14. By ages 8 to 10, girls are becoming more sensitive to social comparison, more aware of how they are perceived by others, and more inclined to internalize those perceptions as part of how they define themselves. And, alarmingly, girls as young as 6 are already expressing a desire to be thinner and showing interest in dieting behaviors.

It’s easy to miss because changes seem to happen gradually at first. A hesitation where there used to be ease. A growing awareness of how they might be seen or understood. A subtle pulling back in moments where, not that long ago, they would have just spoken, acted, or taken up space without thinking twice.

By the time we’re adults, we often spend a lot of time trying to understand why certain things feel so difficult. Why it’s hard to say what we need without overthinking it. Why we second-guess ourselves in rooms where we belong. Why we attune so carefully to other people’s reactions, sometimes without even realizing we’re doing it.

We often assume these patterns develop later, influenced by work environments, relationships, or specific experiences. But the reality is that much of it begins forming earlier, in subtle ways that can go unnoticed yet are profound enough to stay with us long-term.

What’s happening at this stage isn’t just a single moment but a developmental shift. As girls go through this time, their sense of self becomes more interpretive and molded by external factors. They start to base their identity not only on what they feel and experience but also on how others receive those feelings and experiences. This influences key aspects of psychological functioning, including self-acceptance, autonomy, and the ability to remain connected to one’s internal cues despite external pressures.

Over time, this becomes an ingrained part of their way of being.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what it would look like to meet girls in that moment, while things are still taking shape. How we might provide support that strengthens their connection to their own internal experience, even as the world around them becomes more complex. Because when that shift goes unsupported, it doesn’t just disappear. It carries forward, shaping how girls relate to themselves and others, how they show up in relationships, how they navigate classrooms and workplaces, and how much of themselves they feel able to express or hold back.

The more time I spend sitting across from adults who are struggling to express their needs, to navigate difficult conversations, or advocate for themselves at work, whether negotiating compensation or speaking up when something doesn’t feel right, the harder it becomes not to ask where those patterns first started and what might have been different if there had been more support, more language, or more space to understand what was happening as it was happening.

So I’ve been delving deeper into what it might look like to support girls during this critical time, which is so fundamental to who they become and how they see the world. It’s a different entry point into the same work, and one that has the potential to lessen some of the challenges later on in life.