When I was younger, I wasn’t taught how to have difficult conversations. No one taught me how to express when I felt hurt, misunderstood, or needed to set a boundary. At home, uncomfortable topics were often avoided. At school, the focus was on academics, not how to communicate through conflict. And at work, hard conversations were usually sidestepped or handled poorly.

But avoiding them doesn’t make them disappear. Instead, unspoken words linger, tension builds, and small misunderstandings turn into bigger fractures. On the other hand, learning how to communicate honestly, especially when it’s uncomfortable, can be the key to feeling more grounded, more at peace, and more connected to the people around us. The ability to talk about the hard stuff isn’t just a skill, it’s a path toward trust, clarity, and stronger relationships.

I remember standing on the edge of a hard conversation, a tightness in my throat and a swirl of anxiety in my chest, thinking, Why didn’t anyone teach us how to do this? We learn so many important skills growing up, yet one of the most essential life skills—how to navigate conflict with care—gets left to trial and error. But if there’s one thing that can build trust in our relationships, whether at home or at work, it’s knowing how to handle the hard stuff.

At work, avoiding difficult conversations doesn’t just create tension, it leads to misalignment, unmet expectations, and frustrated teams. The ability to set clear expectations and give candid feedback is essential to building strong, functional workplaces. And in our personal lives, unspoken frustrations and assumptions can quietly erode even the closest relationships. The more we can practice honest, compassionate communication, the stronger our connections become. And in a time when everything feels so divided, when so many conversations are fraught with tension, this skill is more important than ever.

I think that most of the time when we avoid tough conversations, we do it because they feel like a threat. We fear conflict, rejection, or we just don’t know what to say or how to start. I know that I’ve felt that way. When I was first learning how to express myself in difficult situations, it felt like being handed a block of clay and told to make something beautiful without ever having touched a pottery wheel before. I had no idea where to begin, and the whole process felt messy and a bit overwhelming.

Since navigating these conversations is more of a practice than something we ever truly master, I thought I’d offer some of what’s helped and maybe it will help you too.

Before I even begin, I take a long inhale followed by a slow exhale. I feel my feet on the floor. I remind myself that at the other side of this conversation is a more authentic connection. It may be that the conversation doesn’t end the way I want it to, but whatever the outcome, I will be on a more solid foundation with the person I’m speaking with because I will have more information about whatever the situation is. And, while reality isn’t always pleasant, it is always better than the alternative—operating within the assumptions or the stories we tell ourselves about what someone else is thinking, which are almost never accurate.

To help with not knowing where to start or what to say, I’d offer that a nonthreatening way to begin is to state your intention or how you’re feeling. Something like, “I’m feeling (name your emotion, i.e. sad, scared, angry, insecure, disconnected, confused) and I’d like your help in understanding…” can be a great start.

Phrases like the following have also been useful for me:

• I’m curious about how/why/what…
• Walk me through your view on…
• Can you help me understand how you see this?
• What feels most important to you about this?
• I want us to find a way forward, but I’m struggling with…

A great book on the subject that offers practical examples and applications is called, Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen. It reinforces that while these conversations may never feel easy, there are tools that make them less daunting.

Two important concepts that I hadn’t allowed space for, and still need to remind myself of, are that not every difficult conversation needs to be resolved in one sitting, and that it’s okay if things aren’t said perfectly the first time because there’s always what comes next.

Sometimes, taking a break is the best thing you can do. If emotions are running high, or if you’re at an impasse, saying something like, “I need some time to think about this, can we come back to it?” can prevent things from spiraling.

When I was studying for my master’s degree I read a book called Bridges Not Walls: A Book About Interpersonal Communication by John Stewart. In it, he introduces a concept called “nexting.” The definition might sound obvious, but something about reading it really struck a chord with me. Stewart defines nexting as “doing something helpful next, responding fruitfully to what’s just happened, taking an additional step in the communication process.” In other words, it’ about saying something next that either improves upon what you said the first time or moves the conversation forward in a different way.

I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself to say the right thing the first time when the stakes are high. This concept was a wake up call that no one says it perfectly on the first try, and more importantly, no one has to. What matters most is our willingness to keep showing up, keep practicing, and keep choosing conversation over silence.